Blah.....I hate you!

Your rich, you have a great job, a cute family, a good life, and you're an ASSHOLE or a BITCH to those beneath you. I'm a kick ass server with MAD SKILLS and I LOVED my job till you ruined it for me. You should count your blessings ASSHOLE! You don't owe everyone, money! You own a home, your kids are secure, you can give gifts, food,cars, and what not. I don't. DO NOT PUT ME DOWN IN FRONT OF OTHERS!! Where is my Turrets when I need it? Guess I am more educated than you. Money cannot buy kindness.

Turrets of the mind, mouth, and hands..Do you suffer from the same?

I look at certain people and wonder what they look like without clothes, iimagine what they look like when they have sex, and wonder if they have skid marks. I do it with friends I know and their parents....WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?? Even the gross ones! I laugh at my thoughts and sometimes get excited or grossed out. Then my mouth tells people what I'M THINKING! I have no say in it..my brain gives the order to my mouth. People seem to like it...and then I even get the 411 that they were thinking the same. Also filling in the blanks to songs....It just happens...Like DORA, DORA THE WHORA....Dora, Dora Dora she's a whora. Swipper no fucky! And forget about the back pack...you don't wanna know whats in that!! Also just keeping my hands to myself!! I'm like two all over again I'm not supposed to touch it I touch it. If I get annsey I have to touch or slap it!! Im not the only one right?? 

To the Welcome Mat...Here's to you..YOU JUST DO NOT GET IT!

Raw and indiscreet (does not mean I want to insult you, I think I might have Turret's so forgive me!) but I am genuine and say this with all good intentions. Lets say some one is a canary.. "If you love someone set them free. If they come back it was meant to be." So if the fucking bird comes back and hangs out, helps with the nest and chicks, prefers the nest and cage to freedom...KICK ASS!! It was meant to be! If the fucking bird comes over for the winter and sometimes in between, ruffles his feather tails, pecks at your bird feed, shits all over your nest and cage and then leaves...THAT MOTHER FUCKER DID NOT COME BACK! He is giving your feathers a BOOTY CALL..that's all! Fuck that canary..go for the cock!

Tip rate? 20% or more for good service!

ALL SERVICE INDUSTRIES!!!!

Just NASTY!

·         The lady who rubs off the plaque on her teeth on the cloth napkin you eventually will have to pick up.

·         The guy who bites his fingernails (and somehow his toe nails) and leaves them behind.

·         The lady that hacks up a loogey, spits it in the same cloth napkin that eventually I have to pick up.

·         The kid eating off the floor under the booth (before he got there a couple of city workers sat there…they had shit on their shoes). You try to explain it to the mother she’s having a “mommies day out”, (and wine) she's having way to good of a time to listen and says “he’s happy like that”.

·         The lady who puts sour cream in her coffee.

·         The guys who pours a cup of ranch and a cup of balsamic on his salad.

·         The lady who eats a whole purple onion (sliced) on her burger.

·         The couple that is practically having sex at the table.

·         The pimple popper. It’s even grosser when someone else is doing the popping. (this guy usually is proud of the fruits of their labor and shows it off)

Are you the customer I'm...

BITCHING about?

I know the owner

·         News Flash! Me too!! I’ve worked for the guy for years. What do you want a party? This “Connected customer” throws the owners name over and over again throughout the visit. FYI the owner 90% of the time doesn’t have the slightest idea who you are, much less your name! He just acts like he does to be polite…DOUCHE! (He usually asks if I caught your name...for next time)

Free for me

·         The everything is good until only the garnish is left idiot. This classy act loves everything until the bill gets there. All of a sudden he needs to speak to a manager or the owner because the food was horrible, and needless to say the service sucked! They demand a comp (free of paying for something) a discount, a free desert, or a gift card.

They love me...I’m gonna score!

·         Oh how many times have I counted my chickens before they were hatched? The “you are amazing, what’s your name so we can ask for you next time people." These people gush about the service the food and then BAM! They leave you a 10% tip or worse coins and a “Jesus is coming” pamphlet. Thanks ass!Now I’m depressed about not paying my rent and that the world is ending.

Habla Espanol?

·         Si,  but not for you cabron! Living in a border town most people here speak Spanish. I myself am ok but I’m not fluent. I hate and resent that people EXPECT you to speak Spanish and are offended that you don’t speak it well. I always get the snotty Juarez Housewives of Chihuahua who are speaking English to each other until I walk up to the table. Then all of a sudden the bitches forget they speak English. RUDE! There are customers who really do not speak English and try hard to; I respect that, a lot.

Can I say hello first?

·         Nothing says DICK, ASSHOLE, or BITCH like interrupting me 2 seconds of approaching to welcome you. Hello may I……..and you interrupt…”Ice tea”. “Nice to meet you Ice tea,  please don’t forget to tip more than 10%.”

I've been lazy...I wanna put my foot in mouth about customers

seriously...I use to love em. Now I'm like wanting to be a server at DICKS so I can tell em (90%) to FUCK off! Here are some of my personal journal entries on "Types of Customers"......

Family Circle

·         The “High-Tech” family. This is the most pathetic family by far! Moms on her Blackberry, Dads on his android, the teenagers are playing with their I-Pods or I-Pads, and the baby is watching a movie on a Portable DVD player, phone or I-Pad. Not one word is spoken at this table. Except for when I take their order. And the kids already has sent a text to mom about what they want !

·         “Elsie” is that lady who pulls out her boob and breast feeds without covering herself. Everyone walks by that table over and over again to take a look-see! I feel so weird, I can’t stop staring. I feel like a moth drawn to the light.

·         The “changing table” lady and I don’t mean in the restroom. This nasty Byatch changes her kids’ poopy diaper at the table or booth she’s eating at. Then this nasty Byatch leaves it behind. Did I mention the fucker is 5?

·         The “Artistic” kid. This little shit pours sugar on the table and plays and draws with it like sand. When you try to pick it up its parents get offended and say “No, let him he’s playing”

·         The dad that never orders anything. He eats everyone’s leftovers instead

·         The family that leaves more food on the floor than they did on their plates. Its funny these people think that by smearing it into the carpet no one will notice that it was there. FYI it only makes it worse pig! (Do these people make a mess at home too?)  (oh yea your kid does count as a person so I CAN ADD GRATUITY!)

·         Awe the “Brady Bunch”. This big family lets their kids run around the restaurant, play under the tables, jump off the chairs, yell, cry, fight, fart and burp and are clueless that the entire restaurant is moving away from them. When you ask them to restrain their “little angels” they are offended! “They’re just babies!”(I never heard a baby say "fuck off!"...NICE!)

·         The “put you on the spot people”. These A-holes are fighting over the check and want you to take a side. Then start fighting with you. WTF? (the one who acts upset is the cheap-ass!) Wants to act like HOW DARE YOU! (secretly sayin "hell yeah...free meal! Glad I ordered a to go meal and dessert!")

Every artist needs a clean space to work with.................But, not every gardener likes a tended garden

So to trim, buzz shave, shape, wax, or stay natural. That is the question. Every man has his preference. So do women. I personally know many who are hairless..........and ewe, many of you really should not! That look is for the girl who does porn, likes people who are pedophile, or I don’t know you like to look at a fortune cookie. Unless you’re a fat ass then it would look more like meat curtains...........NASTY! I have met the guy who loves hairless...and uh honestly...it made me worry that he was into little girls. Then there was the guy that liked the little landing strip...my preference. It says...hey I’m a woman...and I care for your face. I also had a friend who had a sick ass fetish for 70's porn full out afro, natural, fluffy, hair coming out of the panties, pat the fluffy panty, weirdo. WTF? Then there’s that metro sexual guy who likes his lady to have shapes, like hearts, arrows, kitties, triangles...........um if that’s your guy.......this idiot has too much time on his hands. Waxing, ah waxing...if your gonna go bare BITCH! Please get a fuckin Brazilian. FYI if he doesn’t like hair on your puss-puss he REALLY doesn’t like it in or close to your ass! My BFF got electrolysis, only to trim. She says it is totally worth it and only feels like a rubber band slapping you for 20 min or so. Not bad for an eternal trim. Any ways I would love your comment on this subject. Not just your ass laughing at me. Get involved!! Oh and guys who go bare in my eyes............YUCK! But please mofo.......TRIM!

This one is for you.....you know who you are! The "Dick-nasium"

True! I do not have a dick!! However, a friend of mine on the other side of the globe inquired. And me lovin dick...had to inquire if there was indeed a "dick-nasium" and YES! I was reading about ancient exercises that are used to increase the size of your penis (so you can loosen the women no doubt). Also in these articles was not only increasing the size of your package but also keepin IT harder and havin longer erections. NICE! I love this. Besides a larger piece, makin it harder, lasting longer you also start to produce more semen! Wow, I never realized this was important to you guys. Really more stuff is better?? I did not know that. I guess more "cumfetti" more surprises. So I guess just like the ladies that have to dedicate 20 min a day working out the vag same goes for the guys. Guys you have to give about 25-30 min a day to make your piece a masterpiece. Again just, like the ladies you guys gotta do the Kegels. You can do em around people. No one would even know your doin em. You squeeze and release the PC muscle (the part between your scrotum and anus). Start slow cowboy...maybe just like 25 to 50 a day. Then work it up to 300 a day. This will help keep the tool hard and help you hold back on the "cumfetti". Then there’s this Jelqing thing you do...it’s like masturbating and a cock ring type technique thing. I'll add a link. Sounds kinda painful...but it makes your tool a larger tool. Then the last exercise is the length extender........OUCH! Seriously OUCH! This shit sounds ewel...........you stretch it out as far as you can without hurting yourself, and you hold it stretched out for like 30 seconds. Your gonna do this like 30 times. Then.............get this................you slap your dick 100 times on your leg. This procedure gets the blood flowing. Man, no wonder so many guys are just AVERAGE. That sounds like ALOT of work. But the person who gets to experience your new and improved piece will LOVE IT! BIGGER, BETTER, and more bang for the F*$?. NICE. Me gusta.
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/top-3-penis-enlargement-exercises.html

"Vag-inasium"..............While others have new years resolutions to go to the Gym. My resolution is to go on the "vag-inasim" as much as I can weekly.

You have heard that whores, sluts, and prostitutes have loose vaginas right. True and not true. I actually asked my doctor and read as much possible about these truths. The truth is that the vagina is a muscle, and just like any other muscle if it is not used and exercised on a daily that muscle is weak, and loose. Therefore, if you are not having sex regularly...your vag is probably all loosey goosey. On the other hand, if you have sex on a regular with men who have HUGE and or THICK penises then your Vag walls become loose (to the next Joe who might not be so lucky to be hung like a horse). In addition, women who have sex with men that have large penises cannot really ever go back to that small little vagina they had once. However, there are exercises and gadgets that even my OB has said are great for toning the VA JJ. Of course, good old Kegels are awesome; they help make that thang stronger. Did you know if your vag is weak, you could have a real hard time having orgasms or not have an orgasm at all? And that a great toned vagina will give you the most intense, ejaculatory orgasms? Yep! So true!! And I personally like Ben Wa balls. I had asked my doctor once about em. His response?? He thinks that they are amazing and a MUCH  MUCH better solution to VaginaPlasty. I talk about these often with my friends and they are like huh? What? What the hell is that? Are you serious?? I am so surprised how many women have never heard of them. Ben Wa balls or Chinese Burmese bells are these small metal or plastic balls the size of marbles or the balls in a pinball machine. The metal balls are usually hollow and have these little balls inside that help with sexual arousal. They sound like little bells when banged together or shook. Basically, you put em up your vagina and hold em in by clenching your vag muscles. If you can walk around with em for a couple of hours a day...you will be the terminator of all pussy! That thing will be able to make grown men cry, give up their life savings and make em act like idiots for the terminator. So go ahead........go to the gym. I'll be on the “vag-inasium” working out my shit! So the next time you call someone loose...are they loose? If they're gettin more than you are, you're the loosey goosey. But, they are the ones with loose morals.

With a thrill in my head and a pill on my tongue...dissolve the nerves that have just begun..Listening to Marvin (all night long)

This is the sound of my soul, this is the sound..............So true funny how it seems that a song can take you back to a time that was forgotten and even maybe taken for granted. Back in the days of the good ol community college I was a DJ for the new campus radio station that was just getting started. There I meet this super sweet, ultra nice guy we'll call him Sam. Sam and I both shared the love for alternative music, and DJ ed alternative music. I don't remember any more if I was on before him or after him. Anyways. this guy was so funny, smart, and totally the type of guy I would never go for. But, I really liked him. Maybe even a little more, MAYBE. We hung out, talked, made out a little here and there, but I could feel it. He didn't feel the same about me. I tried EVERYTHING to make him like me the way I liked him. NO DICE! Sam ended up being a friend who took me out, made out with me, and was my Debutant escort. He totally confused the hell outta me! BUT, the one sweetest thing he did for me was to slow dance to True by Spandau Ballet in the closed DJ booth. So seriously romantic and sweet. I found out shortly after that he totally was not in to brown girls (I'm pretty olive skinned) or brunettes (I have black hair). So I was S.O.L. He was waiting for MISSES WHITE! I mean Misses Right. Sam..........you'll never now how wonderful, pretty, and sweet you made me feel that day. I felt like Molly Ringwald at the end of Pretty in Pink.
 Always slipping from my hands, Sets a time of its own Take your seaside arms and write the next line Oh I want the truth to be known.......I know this much is true

Once upon a time....before the present day....

I had already been married, I had three kids, was single again. I had been for 2 years. I really had not dated or had any ONE-NIGHT STANDS. I was going to be 31. I was pretty sure that I was experienced in the boudoir, and even though I was in 2 relationships that were monogamous  (at least on my part) I felt I knew, and was confident I was GOOD at IT. HELLO...N...ah...NO. HELL NO! Then I met the Mister M'okay. DAMN! That boy did things to me that make me blush to this very day. And when I say boy I mean man but he was 10 years younger than I was. Yes, he was 21. This boy could go for hours...and I mean hours (like 4-6) then rest, then again for another round of hours. I can remember opening my window for some fresh air and the window being completely steamed up. OMG...that was hot! This was also the first time I had experienced..........um...........um...uh..........someone going down, and I mean whoa! My ex husband I thought was a seriously endowed man and experienced. I WAS WRONG. Man, when a man can make you feel sexy, make you laugh, be a friend, and make you have your first orgasm...well you just gotta say THANK YOU! Remember, I was 31 I had kids. And, I never knew that I had never had an orgasm. SAD. However, this 21 year old came and made this 31 year old mother a WOMAN. I had never finished having sex, making love, or just straight out Fing and had wobbly legs like a brand new baby colt. I had never known that I had the appetite of a man myself. Sex is not everything but when things have not been good for you, and you are feeling down and out...having someone make you feel sexy, wanted, and show you what you have been missing. WELL...............SEX (plus the great friendship and laughs) made my life what it is today. A new start. And, a woman who was able to go back to school, start a couple of new businesses and be a better friend, and mother. SEX is not forever. However, those memories...could have made some great porn!

I call it petting your pooch!

I have made out with many guys (I have not slept with many though). I love that anticipation you get the first time your with someone. The anticipation of what the first kiss will be like. Man you get butterflies, you get nervous, you try to picture it in your head. Then you chew some gum, put on the gloss that taste like tutti frutti or whatever stupid flavor that's in your purse. You make sure you tilt your head just enough, take slow breaths, close your eyes. FIREWORKS! In some instances NOT! But, when there are fireworks the kissing can get more intense......hotter. The music playing is sweet, even amazing! THEN......................................record scratches. You get that oh so familiar pat on the head. The fingers through the hair with the pat. And then the subtle push down to their crotch. WTF?? This happened to me twice. I was utterly disgusted and was like.......yeah sure. Good one. Why would a guy do this? Can you imagine if I did this to a guy?Mmmmmmm, never mind the pig would probably like it. But, just imagine your father doing this to your mother. Yeah......Gross! If you are a guy.................please do not do this! I have spoken to a number of my girlfriends (and some of my male gay friends), This is a total turn off. Might as well just take out your wallet and ask how much.

Just because

Just because I love, latex.............Does not mean I like S n'M. I do not. I just love fetish clothing. Just because I love to talk about sex...........Does not mean I am a whore. I am not. Just because I am, a mother does not mean I cannot think about sex. I do. And I will until I do not feel sexy anymore. Just because I am older almost 40 does not mean I have to start knitting and planning my end. Just because I have a loud voice, speak at a fast speed and move quickly does not mean I am on crack or cocaine. (If that were the case many people I know would be smoking marijuana or on downers). Just because I am not the brightest color in the box, it does not mean I do not like to color. I LOVE TO COLOR...especially out of the lines. Just because all the lights are on but no one is home does not mean I could be hiding under the bed. And just because I am not a cookie does not mean I do not want to be dunked into milk and eaten. I do! Just because I do not knock at your door and preach the word of the lord does not mean that I do not believe in G_D. Because its one of the most important things in my life. And just because I do not speak about my kids, 24/7 does not mean I am not totally in love with my kids. I love em more than anything or anyone. They make me laugh, cry, and just plain frustrated, they help me live. And just because I do not look like a blow pop, that doesn’t mean...........you know where I am going with this right?

And just because I look hard on the outside..........It does not mean I am actually soft on the inside. But. I am. The truth is this.................I am tired of people asking me what I'm on, how I do all that I do, Give me some of what you’re taking and so on. Here It is. I have been diagnosed with adult ADHD and severe anxiety. No big surprise to me. Or to you right? So do I take the drugs? And become someone else. Or stay who I am? Many cannot wait for me to pop the first pills ASAP!

Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonley world......She took the midnight train going anywhere.......

So there I am buying a creme puff. I pick up my kids from daycare. And can't stop imagining how amazing that creme puffs gonna be. I'M NOT SHARING! So, I situate my kids. I ask if any one wants to play. I ask if any one wants help with their homework. An what do you know? No one wants or needs me. Perfect opportunity to hide and eat. I go to my room, creme puff in my purse, lock the door, go into the bathroom in my bedroom, lock that door, and open up the box. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, that first bite is heaven! Then all of a sudden, I hear the door knock, screams, cries, yelling. ALL OF A SUDDEN.......I exist again, and I'm wanted. Then......"mom, what are you eating?" Are you serious? Do kids come with radar ears and super noses that smell everything? My moment is not a moment anymore. Next night, Same routine. This time I force myself on the kids. THEY lock me outta their rooms! HA!!! I WIN. I take the moment to take a bath............Again all of a sudden I see little hands under the door, a note slips under..."what are you doing in there?" REALLY?? Moment.....lost. I come out and get ready to read a story or make a snack. NOPE.......they lock me out of their rooms.....AGAIN. It seems they love me to be not relaxing. When I cook, clean, make dinner, shampoo carpets or do homework everyone is cool and lets me do my work. But when i start to relax? EVERYONE needs me.


I love beautiful things. Pretty girlie dresses, pretty heels, jewelry(Betsy Johnson's my fave), perfume and makeup. I hate my face, I hate my hair, I hate my hands, and feet. So, I don't buy those things anymore. I got dressed up to go out, I felt pretty, and was feeling good about myself. My son says "your fat mommy". I know he didn't mean to hurt me hes still very small. Innocent. But, children speak the truth. I feel ugly, and fat. Again. I love those romantic movies.....the man cant wait to get home. He thinks about his lady all day long, he sends her flowers, he calls from the office to say I love you. He never calls his lady dude, and when they make love he doesn't get all tired, or makes the lady feel...........stupid. He is spontaneous, she still is always happy and funny. I'm always angry, and cant find where my happiness went. I look at all the people I know who are married or who are getting married. I get depressed. I've been real good about saying I love being single, I don't want to be married, I don't have the money........yada yada yada. I'm also a very good liar. I'm also good at making excuses. 


Only ladies who are not obnoxious, loud, who burp and fart are the ladies who get married. So many nights I say I'm going out........it's sad. I even make up parties, dinners, get togethers, what not and go out alone to dinner or a movie by myself. I do this because my boyfriend loves the quietness that's in the home when I'm gone. It makes me happy that hes happy.

............and I end up in that same bathroom crying, alone without a creme puff, without a bath, and this time no one is at the door. No one needs me. Funny, I miss those little fingers under the door, and the little notes.

Don't stop belivein'......hold on to the feelin...........

Big Mouth Would Like to use her BIG MOUTH to tell your DIRTY LAUNDRY

Of course I will not use your name or the names of others in your BIG MOUTH confessions. Send me an e-mail so I can share your dirty laundry. I find the time to blog......many don't or just don't want to. But, sharing with BIG MOUTH is guaranteed to make you and others laugh, gasp or pee their pants. I'll always add a little more without changing the original. So you up to blogging hard?? Send me your dirty laundry to mishababy34@gmail.com

You've got a bad reputation that's a what you got, A bad reputation but I like it a lot, A bad reputation and it's all over town

A bad reputation and it's going around! (Bad Reputation, by The Reverend Horton Heat)       That is one of my favorite songs. Not only because I saw it performed live, and not only because the Reverend asked ME what I wanted to hear, and not only because The Reverend Horton Heat is one of my favorite groups. However, because it reminds me of MANY of my best female friends (both old and new) and me. It is funny how other people can ruin a person’s reputation. The earliest memory of a "WHORE" or a "SLUT" was back in elementary. You have to remember I attended a small school in a VERY SMALL town. You might even call it back woods. How can I describe it so you can actually picture it? Hmmmmmm ok, how about the Little House on the Prairie school (except with about 500 students including the elementary, junior high and high school). She was new in town her father was transferred with his job. Yvonne was cute sweet SUPER smart and nice. We were in the…I cannot even remember. Maybe the 6^th or 7^th grade? I think I was 13 maybe 14. Anyway I can vividly remember her and her older boyfriend…from high school Vince (she was my age he was about 4 years older) making out and practically doing it in front of the world on their way home. Later, that year I attended her baby shower. I can remember I still played with Barbies with my neighbor Lisa across the street. In junior high, (I was a freshman to be exact)…………YOURS TRULY WAS THE BIGGEST SLUT EVER! Funny. I was in Local Pageants, I was a cheerleader, pretty, nice, pretty much a push over…ha ha ha. I was an UNDERDOG. I NEVER stood up for myself, and was a cheerleader (POPULAR, and my parents had nice things), and boys liked me. I WAS A SLUT! I apparently had given blowjobs (I REALLY did not know what that was) I had had sex (never happened it much later), and I stole other girls boyfriends. Every cheerleader except two was also a slut or a whore. Penelope to this day remains a great friend. She went out with people and had experience…but she was not a slut. She did have sex before me though…way way before me. Leann was experienced and had had sex. SHE NEVER DENIED IT! However, again it was with one guy. Ladonna…...another story! Caroline…………NO! She just like me was pretty….and was blessed with big boobs. Sheer stupidity and jealousy! Now fast forward…I moved to a better school…very much larger….way more with it! I was just a number. And I was not a slut. My friends were not either. WE were IDIOTS. OMG now that I look back….hah! We were the biggest dorks (and we were not giving bow jobs…...much less having sex) ….fast forward 2003. I meet Regina. Dang. This girl loved to FUCK! She had the appetite of three men. She entertained up to three guys on a daily! And had then back to back. The stories she told! Toothpaste for a better blowjob, Ice in the vag for a cold surprise, and hair conditioner for lube in case you are out. Dang my friend was a porn star! And she never has denied it!  All I want to be is the next Carrie Bradshaw…………….all she wants to be is the next Nast Nina. So, I can actually in all honest say I am NOT a slut, or a whore. At worst a tease. But I have learned what I know from the sluts and whores I am proud to call my friends. They would take a bullet for me. They are sincerely happy and proud of me. Today they are good mothers and wives. And, may I add………..some of the most successful women today. However, most of all….they have happy husbands who do not cheat!

DIRTY WORDS AND THINGS THAT MAKE ME LAUGH..............

MEAT CURTAINS, PINK, HOE, SISSY, FLUID, PEE PEE, POO POO, WE WE, GRAVY, HOT POCKET, BOX, TACO, FISH, CRACK OPEN THEM CRAB LEGS, JUICE BOX, ROD, LOADED GUN, JIZZ, PUFFY, LUBE, PENETRATE, SMASHING BEANS, PLAYING THE FLUTE, TENDING GARDEN, KILLING THE SNAKE, POKING THE HOLE, 71(69+2 FINGERS), DIRTY SANCHEZ, POOCHY FUCHY, HAPPY MEAL, SNORKEL, PINK EYE, BROWN EYE, BLACK EYE, BLUE BALLS, STINK EYE, BALLS OF STEEL, TOOL, TOOL SHED, BIG BOY, BB,FB, FMLTWIA, PLENTY OF FISH.................................and the baby started to cry. I lost my MOJO.

"If you like Pina Coladas...And getting caught in the rain......If you're not into yoga.....If you have half a brain

...If you'd like making love at midnight,In the dunes on the Cape,Then I'm the love that you've looked for.........Write to me and escape." You know that song right?? Well apparently my friend Fabian does too. Where the fuck have I been that I don't know what Ashly Madison is?? My friend Fabian also happens to be an EX that comes from a GOOD family his dads a well know doctor in HELLPASO and he went to a good catholic high school. MY G_D what has that school produced?? A tattooed, nipple pierced, alcoholic atheist............and now a frigging sex-a-holic who is proud he cheats! I LOVE honest people!! That's why they are my friends. Being honest is VERY hard. So back to this Ashly Madison thing. WHAT THE FUCK?? The web sites motto?? "Life is too short.......have an affair" What the devil?? NOW I really have seen it all. This web site is apparently well known...............I guess by people who want an affair or need a little more. But, I am a self professed cochina. Why haven't I heard about it before?? This place even GUARANTEES you will have an affair! WOW. My friend says hes banged a couple of cougars and says its all kosher. Its private, its discreet........(discreet means you don't tell people about it) Yes..plenty of fish........NICE! I would never wanna be described as PLENTY OF FISH! Gross. So anyway this web site I'm told is like FB but for fucking. Instead of poking(which still seems kinda weird and gross) you wink. When you wink you gotta explain why you winked at them..........like I winked at you because you look dirty and desperate and by the looks of it you'd take it in the ass. Something like that. WOW.......WOW........I'm coming off as a hater of cheaters. I wonder why? Ummmmmmm cuz my Ex husband cheated on me. That's all my Ex needs... an easier and nastier way to get some ass. You know what the fucked up thing is??? These people go there to CHEAT........and many of them end up finding someone they begin a new relationship with. Again....WTF? You're tiered of your relationship, so you cheat and start a new one with someone as fucked in the head as you?? OK, these are the things Jerry Springer shows are made of. So apparently this website even advertises on all kinds of shows, xm radio,and Howard Stern (NO SHIT? YOU DONT SAY!). I'm like all into this now. I'm seriously gonna finish this up so I can read the nasty filth that comes outta these people. CANT WAIT! So, I guess you don't have to have half a brain, or like pina coladas.....just an account with Ashly Madison.http://www.plentyoffish.me.uk/ashleymadison.html

You know I'm a dreamer......But my heart's of gold......I had to run away high.....So I wouldn't come home low

Just when things went right,Doesn't mean they were always wrong,Just take this song and you'll never feel Left all alone..... Read a friends post and it was like I was back in time with the BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE! The most horrible EX of all was someone I knew since I was in the first grade. he was cute....funny.....nice.....and he was the biggest crush I had all through elementary,junior high and high school. I dated him off and on......but this guy was a real PIG always wanting to get it the pants of anyone he could. He wasn't nice anymore. So why after my divorce..........after all those years had passed did I reconnect and get involved with him. ITS CALLED REBOUND! I was to afraid to be alone. I felt better in bad company than alone with no company. Needless to say I wasted MANY years with a guy who was always unemployed, drank all day and night, and was just plain LAZY! The best thing the bastard did was give me my daughter. He wasn't really excited about her either. Still isn't. He use to force himself on me, call me all kinds of nasty names, steal money from my purse.The guy eventually beat the shit out of me, and went to prison. He then begged me to drop charges.........pleeeeeeze! I left the bastard. Basically I wasted like 6 years in an abusive relationship.......that made so much stronger. He remains a LOSER......lives with his mommy, is unemployed........has no ambition........doesn't call his daughter (unless its like Christmas or her Birthday) and he usually calls all intoxicated. NOW hes also FAT and UGLY and smells of stale beer cigarettes and ass. Dirty ass. BUT! I thank him..........because I appreciate life today. My daughter has a DAD who has raised her since she was 3. Fathers are a dime a dozen. But an AWESOME DAD......the man that holds you when you cry for your father who promised to come for you and didn't, the man that teaches you to potty in the toilet, the man that scolds you, the man that takes you to school early in the morning, the man that teaches you about G_D and Torah.....and the man that is there for all your plays and performances...very rare and hard to find. My heart's like an open book..........For the whole wide world to read.......

Kock during Kokopelli...........During class presentations!! WOW! Now I've seen Everything!

Ok...................I go to school every Wednesday. Right now I am in the final week of Humanities. We were all presenting on different Gods and Goddesses. Ivy, who sits in front of me.........OMG starts spraying body spray, into her bra then sticking her hands into each cup of her bra..........and wiping each of her breast with her hands to make sure the spray is there. Then she sprayed her hands and started to wipe her girl parts! Am I really REALLY seeing this?? WTF? I pretty much figured that I was the only one who had seen this. Shes texting crazy style. WE"RE IN CLASS..............HELLO!!! Ivy gets up, she grabs some napkins on her way out the door and.................gone for 20 some minutes. By now we're on a POWERPOINT about Kokopelli. Ivy walks back in flushed and breathing all hard. Amy asks "where were you??" she says........"Getting some KOKopelli"!! What the devil?? And that's why she says she needed the napkins.....for the clean up! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!! And yeah..............I was'nt the only one who witnessed it all!! The professor and the rest of the class did too. I'm usually the only one.(Class of about 40 people)

A minute in the life of a perve.Do you hear what I hear??(Just something random....still need to continue with the EX's)

Have you ever heard your neighbors doing it?? And you feel all weird but stay and listen?? even look at your watch or cell and time them?? Am I the only SICKO? I laugh so bad once I ALMOST peed my pants when the neighbors(I live downstairs) above were going at it and their bed was all squeaking at a super fast speed and the squeaking was so LOUD! So, I knocked on the wall and it stopped for about a minute. Then it started up again. But, they were tyring to be discreet. They were quiet, and moved sooooooooo slow. The speed was so slow like creeeeek (stop) creeeeeeeeek (stop) creeeeeeeeeeeeeek (stop) and it went on for like that for 5 minuets. Then I guess the guy couldn't hold it any longer (he probably said FUCK IT!) and returned to the fast and furious(this time for like 30 seconds)! I laughed so loud I know they heard me. Then I peed.

In between every Ex lies a potential EX

Random shit I gotta get off my mind of random shit I come up with. First things first then about the potential Exes.  (I love those soft puffy mints, I love my Sugar Spoon(and I don't mean a spoon you eat with), I love latex, and reading People. I love Hello Kitty and when he loves my kitty. I love being a mother and love my mother. I love REAL people and love to hear them laugh. I want my cake and eat it too).
OK so mister alter boy. Yes a potential ex.............just too sweet to be an ex. So I introduced him to my BFF and made him her ex. He was that UNDERDOG, so sweet innocent went to a good catholic school played by all the rules and REALLY LIKED ME. But, again we were kids. Not even 15. He would smile at me at church while in his red, white and gold trim alter boy outfit ringing those little Church bells. And I would return the smile. PICTURE THIS.................both of us had braces, he LOVED and I mean LOVED Prince. I loved Cyndi Lauper. We liked each other alot...........but not alot. Do you know what I mean?? We went to school dances together and got our braces caught with each others braces. NICE! He and I were and remain to this day GREAT friends. This potential EX grew up to be an atheist, drink like a fish, and do things a good catholic boy would NEVER do! Oh yeah did I mention nipple rings??HA...........................So not the boy next door anymore. Man you grew up to be a completely different person. But that sweet, considerate boy remains inside of that death metal tattooed body of yours. My favorite memory was when we saw each other after all those years...................You know what I speak of ?(wink wink).This part I'm singing as I type Cuz you're a creep. You're a weirdo......what the hell are ya doing here??? YOU DO BELONG HERE.

Summer Lovin had me a blast, Summer Lovin Happened so Fast. I met a boy, cute as can be!

O'Neil! Awe first like!!(Not love I was only what like 11?) Anyway, he was and continues to be a super nice guy! An underdog if you will. Just because you have the best education, looks, and money that doesn't make you NOT an underdog. He was an underdog because his parents lived and practically owned all the town of Anthony where alot of people teased and were mean to him. He did not attend school in town and actually attended public schools in El Paso and outta town military schools...........Impressive right?? Anyway he liked ME! And I liked him. I was SUPER brown, it was the 80's so just imagine.........I listened to the Cover Girls. Stevie B, Cyndi Lauper, Prince, you get the idea.....trendy radio music. I had braces, I was SUPER dark brown, I had that BIG ASS Aqua Net Hair and wore neon plastic shoes, lace gloves, and dressed like Madonna............Yeah..........NICE. He?? Awe................ he was Jake from 16 Candles. He had that surfer tan, he was a skateboarder, and he listened to Dexys Midnight Runners, Depeche Mode, Duran Duran, Bow Wow Wow.....................New Wave. NOBODY in Anthony listened or even knew what that was. Any how He took me to my first movie(my brother and his mother also went), and we played at his house, talked on the phone for hours............and he never knew how people teased me, hurt my feelings, called me a SLUT, and wanted me not to see him. I really liked him. Eventually, I was alot older 15-16? And I just spoke to him when he was in town, we wrote(and I still had this huge LIKE maybe a baby LOVE for him) But, I had an image to uphold in Anthony. I WAS A JERK! MEAN GIRL, ASSHOLE, BITCH, and I have always regreted. Sorry. He eventually came back to town, I was attending CHS and it was like GREASE, You know where Sandy and Danny sing Summer Loving. We ran into each other and dated ALL of my junior and senior year. BEST TIMES. Then I became a MEAN GIRL again when I was accepted to JWU in Providence RI.................................I WAS A DICK! And showed no consideration. Was it worth it? Naw...Carma has been a bitch. But......he was mean too. Not as bad as I was but he was, and he eventually broke my heart. I broke his so we're even.

A Little Jig About Jack and Diane.........Naw Just About Me!

Manonayse, Cumfetti, Gizerale, Cumquats.............just random words I cum up with when I'm bored.................I'm 38 on the verge of 39. But I still feel 20something and act like it too. I am a mother of 5. I am divorced, have been in a couple of horrible, abusive(physically and emotionally) relationships. I have finally been rescued and untied from the railroad tracks. I found THE man who loves me no matter how annoying LOUD or obnoxious I know I can get. I'm STILL in the restaurant business and cant seem to get away. I think about sex 24/7! Am I thinking like a man? I seem to REALLY get annoyed by the idiots who say are my friends. Am I getting old? Naw, they're just assholes (and they would be the ones reading this just too find out if I mentioned them). I like people, wish I could know em better and be a part of their lives but....I just gotta choose better "friends" to be "friends" with. BUT!!!! Ive got the best trash on these people that would make you pee your pants!! So I guess they are useful to me (wink wink) and useful for your entertainment. But......if I share their trash with you, I also share my trash with you. Big shout out and a big THANK YOU, you know who for hurting my feelings with your candor and calling me a BIG MOUTH in front of everyone at work. Its been a couple of years but I haven't forgotten. You, actually have no idea I actually like you and always get the same shit from you no love.So now everyone knows where my inspiration of the BIG MOUTH STRIKES AGAIN BLOG comes from. Thank you o superior one! You'll help me entertain and put a smile on someone in need.(still love you)       See ya soon! With my first story...........Suggestions? Stories about drinking? Ex boyfriends? Parties? let me know.......I'm here for your entertainment.