This one is for you.....you know who you are! The "Dick-nasium"

True! I do not have a dick!! However, a friend of mine on the other side of the globe inquired. And me lovin dick...had to inquire if there was indeed a "dick-nasium" and YES! I was reading about ancient exercises that are used to increase the size of your penis (so you can loosen the women no doubt). Also in these articles was not only increasing the size of your package but also keepin IT harder and havin longer erections. NICE! I love this. Besides a larger piece, makin it harder, lasting longer you also start to produce more semen! Wow, I never realized this was important to you guys. Really more stuff is better?? I did not know that. I guess more "cumfetti" more surprises. So I guess just like the ladies that have to dedicate 20 min a day working out the vag same goes for the guys. Guys you have to give about 25-30 min a day to make your piece a masterpiece. Again just, like the ladies you guys gotta do the Kegels. You can do em around people. No one would even know your doin em. You squeeze and release the PC muscle (the part between your scrotum and anus). Start slow cowboy...maybe just like 25 to 50 a day. Then work it up to 300 a day. This will help keep the tool hard and help you hold back on the "cumfetti". Then there’s this Jelqing thing you do...it’s like masturbating and a cock ring type technique thing. I'll add a link. Sounds kinda painful...but it makes your tool a larger tool. Then the last exercise is the length extender........OUCH! Seriously OUCH! This shit sounds ewel...........you stretch it out as far as you can without hurting yourself, and you hold it stretched out for like 30 seconds. Your gonna do this like 30 times. Then.............get this................you slap your dick 100 times on your leg. This procedure gets the blood flowing. Man, no wonder so many guys are just AVERAGE. That sounds like ALOT of work. But the person who gets to experience your new and improved piece will LOVE IT! BIGGER, BETTER, and more bang for the F*$?. NICE. Me gusta.
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/top-3-penis-enlargement-exercises.html

"Vag-inasium"..............While others have new years resolutions to go to the Gym. My resolution is to go on the "vag-inasim" as much as I can weekly.

You have heard that whores, sluts, and prostitutes have loose vaginas right. True and not true. I actually asked my doctor and read as much possible about these truths. The truth is that the vagina is a muscle, and just like any other muscle if it is not used and exercised on a daily that muscle is weak, and loose. Therefore, if you are not having sex regularly...your vag is probably all loosey goosey. On the other hand, if you have sex on a regular with men who have HUGE and or THICK penises then your Vag walls become loose (to the next Joe who might not be so lucky to be hung like a horse). In addition, women who have sex with men that have large penises cannot really ever go back to that small little vagina they had once. However, there are exercises and gadgets that even my OB has said are great for toning the VA JJ. Of course, good old Kegels are awesome; they help make that thang stronger. Did you know if your vag is weak, you could have a real hard time having orgasms or not have an orgasm at all? And that a great toned vagina will give you the most intense, ejaculatory orgasms? Yep! So true!! And I personally like Ben Wa balls. I had asked my doctor once about em. His response?? He thinks that they are amazing and a MUCH  MUCH better solution to VaginaPlasty. I talk about these often with my friends and they are like huh? What? What the hell is that? Are you serious?? I am so surprised how many women have never heard of them. Ben Wa balls or Chinese Burmese bells are these small metal or plastic balls the size of marbles or the balls in a pinball machine. The metal balls are usually hollow and have these little balls inside that help with sexual arousal. They sound like little bells when banged together or shook. Basically, you put em up your vagina and hold em in by clenching your vag muscles. If you can walk around with em for a couple of hours a day...you will be the terminator of all pussy! That thing will be able to make grown men cry, give up their life savings and make em act like idiots for the terminator. So go ahead........go to the gym. I'll be on the “vag-inasium” working out my shit! So the next time you call someone loose...are they loose? If they're gettin more than you are, you're the loosey goosey. But, they are the ones with loose morals.

With a thrill in my head and a pill on my tongue...dissolve the nerves that have just begun..Listening to Marvin (all night long)

This is the sound of my soul, this is the sound..............So true funny how it seems that a song can take you back to a time that was forgotten and even maybe taken for granted. Back in the days of the good ol community college I was a DJ for the new campus radio station that was just getting started. There I meet this super sweet, ultra nice guy we'll call him Sam. Sam and I both shared the love for alternative music, and DJ ed alternative music. I don't remember any more if I was on before him or after him. Anyways. this guy was so funny, smart, and totally the type of guy I would never go for. But, I really liked him. Maybe even a little more, MAYBE. We hung out, talked, made out a little here and there, but I could feel it. He didn't feel the same about me. I tried EVERYTHING to make him like me the way I liked him. NO DICE! Sam ended up being a friend who took me out, made out with me, and was my Debutant escort. He totally confused the hell outta me! BUT, the one sweetest thing he did for me was to slow dance to True by Spandau Ballet in the closed DJ booth. So seriously romantic and sweet. I found out shortly after that he totally was not in to brown girls (I'm pretty olive skinned) or brunettes (I have black hair). So I was S.O.L. He was waiting for MISSES WHITE! I mean Misses Right. Sam..........you'll never now how wonderful, pretty, and sweet you made me feel that day. I felt like Molly Ringwald at the end of Pretty in Pink.
 Always slipping from my hands, Sets a time of its own Take your seaside arms and write the next line Oh I want the truth to be known.......I know this much is true

Once upon a time....before the present day....

I had already been married, I had three kids, was single again. I had been for 2 years. I really had not dated or had any ONE-NIGHT STANDS. I was going to be 31. I was pretty sure that I was experienced in the boudoir, and even though I was in 2 relationships that were monogamous  (at least on my part) I felt I knew, and was confident I was GOOD at IT. HELLO...N...ah...NO. HELL NO! Then I met the Mister M'okay. DAMN! That boy did things to me that make me blush to this very day. And when I say boy I mean man but he was 10 years younger than I was. Yes, he was 21. This boy could go for hours...and I mean hours (like 4-6) then rest, then again for another round of hours. I can remember opening my window for some fresh air and the window being completely steamed up. OMG...that was hot! This was also the first time I had experienced..........um...........um...uh..........someone going down, and I mean whoa! My ex husband I thought was a seriously endowed man and experienced. I WAS WRONG. Man, when a man can make you feel sexy, make you laugh, be a friend, and make you have your first orgasm...well you just gotta say THANK YOU! Remember, I was 31 I had kids. And, I never knew that I had never had an orgasm. SAD. However, this 21 year old came and made this 31 year old mother a WOMAN. I had never finished having sex, making love, or just straight out Fing and had wobbly legs like a brand new baby colt. I had never known that I had the appetite of a man myself. Sex is not everything but when things have not been good for you, and you are feeling down and out...having someone make you feel sexy, wanted, and show you what you have been missing. WELL...............SEX (plus the great friendship and laughs) made my life what it is today. A new start. And, a woman who was able to go back to school, start a couple of new businesses and be a better friend, and mother. SEX is not forever. However, those memories...could have made some great porn!

I call it petting your pooch!

I have made out with many guys (I have not slept with many though). I love that anticipation you get the first time your with someone. The anticipation of what the first kiss will be like. Man you get butterflies, you get nervous, you try to picture it in your head. Then you chew some gum, put on the gloss that taste like tutti frutti or whatever stupid flavor that's in your purse. You make sure you tilt your head just enough, take slow breaths, close your eyes. FIREWORKS! In some instances NOT! But, when there are fireworks the kissing can get more intense......hotter. The music playing is sweet, even amazing! THEN......................................record scratches. You get that oh so familiar pat on the head. The fingers through the hair with the pat. And then the subtle push down to their crotch. WTF?? This happened to me twice. I was utterly disgusted and was like.......yeah sure. Good one. Why would a guy do this? Can you imagine if I did this to a guy?Mmmmmmm, never mind the pig would probably like it. But, just imagine your father doing this to your mother. Yeah......Gross! If you are a guy.................please do not do this! I have spoken to a number of my girlfriends (and some of my male gay friends), This is a total turn off. Might as well just take out your wallet and ask how much.

Just because

Just because I love, latex.............Does not mean I like S n'M. I do not. I just love fetish clothing. Just because I love to talk about sex...........Does not mean I am a whore. I am not. Just because I am, a mother does not mean I cannot think about sex. I do. And I will until I do not feel sexy anymore. Just because I am older almost 40 does not mean I have to start knitting and planning my end. Just because I have a loud voice, speak at a fast speed and move quickly does not mean I am on crack or cocaine. (If that were the case many people I know would be smoking marijuana or on downers). Just because I am not the brightest color in the box, it does not mean I do not like to color. I LOVE TO COLOR...especially out of the lines. Just because all the lights are on but no one is home does not mean I could be hiding under the bed. And just because I am not a cookie does not mean I do not want to be dunked into milk and eaten. I do! Just because I do not knock at your door and preach the word of the lord does not mean that I do not believe in G_D. Because its one of the most important things in my life. And just because I do not speak about my kids, 24/7 does not mean I am not totally in love with my kids. I love em more than anything or anyone. They make me laugh, cry, and just plain frustrated, they help me live. And just because I do not look like a blow pop, that doesn’t mean...........you know where I am going with this right?

And just because I look hard on the outside..........It does not mean I am actually soft on the inside. But. I am. The truth is this.................I am tired of people asking me what I'm on, how I do all that I do, Give me some of what you’re taking and so on. Here It is. I have been diagnosed with adult ADHD and severe anxiety. No big surprise to me. Or to you right? So do I take the drugs? And become someone else. Or stay who I am? Many cannot wait for me to pop the first pills ASAP!

Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonley world......She took the midnight train going anywhere.......

So there I am buying a creme puff. I pick up my kids from daycare. And can't stop imagining how amazing that creme puffs gonna be. I'M NOT SHARING! So, I situate my kids. I ask if any one wants to play. I ask if any one wants help with their homework. An what do you know? No one wants or needs me. Perfect opportunity to hide and eat. I go to my room, creme puff in my purse, lock the door, go into the bathroom in my bedroom, lock that door, and open up the box. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, that first bite is heaven! Then all of a sudden, I hear the door knock, screams, cries, yelling. ALL OF A SUDDEN.......I exist again, and I'm wanted. Then......"mom, what are you eating?" Are you serious? Do kids come with radar ears and super noses that smell everything? My moment is not a moment anymore. Next night, Same routine. This time I force myself on the kids. THEY lock me outta their rooms! HA!!! I WIN. I take the moment to take a bath............Again all of a sudden I see little hands under the door, a note slips under..."what are you doing in there?" REALLY?? Moment.....lost. I come out and get ready to read a story or make a snack. NOPE.......they lock me out of their rooms.....AGAIN. It seems they love me to be not relaxing. When I cook, clean, make dinner, shampoo carpets or do homework everyone is cool and lets me do my work. But when i start to relax? EVERYONE needs me.


I love beautiful things. Pretty girlie dresses, pretty heels, jewelry(Betsy Johnson's my fave), perfume and makeup. I hate my face, I hate my hair, I hate my hands, and feet. So, I don't buy those things anymore. I got dressed up to go out, I felt pretty, and was feeling good about myself. My son says "your fat mommy". I know he didn't mean to hurt me hes still very small. Innocent. But, children speak the truth. I feel ugly, and fat. Again. I love those romantic movies.....the man cant wait to get home. He thinks about his lady all day long, he sends her flowers, he calls from the office to say I love you. He never calls his lady dude, and when they make love he doesn't get all tired, or makes the lady feel...........stupid. He is spontaneous, she still is always happy and funny. I'm always angry, and cant find where my happiness went. I look at all the people I know who are married or who are getting married. I get depressed. I've been real good about saying I love being single, I don't want to be married, I don't have the money........yada yada yada. I'm also a very good liar. I'm also good at making excuses. 


Only ladies who are not obnoxious, loud, who burp and fart are the ladies who get married. So many nights I say I'm going out........it's sad. I even make up parties, dinners, get togethers, what not and go out alone to dinner or a movie by myself. I do this because my boyfriend loves the quietness that's in the home when I'm gone. It makes me happy that hes happy.

............and I end up in that same bathroom crying, alone without a creme puff, without a bath, and this time no one is at the door. No one needs me. Funny, I miss those little fingers under the door, and the little notes.

Don't stop belivein'......hold on to the feelin...........