Every time I think of you I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue It's no problem of mine But it's a problem I find Living a life that I can't leave behind But there's no sense in telling me The wisdom of the fool won't set you free But that's the way that it goes And it's what nobody knows Well every day my confusion grows........

Life is so super confusing. Its hard to make everyone happy..including myself. Yesterday I was a wife, a mom, a friend, an artist, a daughter, a survivor. BUT I am unhappy wife. Loathed , disrespected,  and I have slept on the sofa for what seems like most of my 10 year marriage. I am a mom still..I could definitely be a much better one..more time more patience and just more of me for them in general. I am still a friend...but with me working all the time..or some "event" lately prevents me from being the attentive friend I was in the past. I am still an artist..THAT I can say... I have actually grown and have improved in. I am blessed to still have my parents here with me..but AGAIN..I'm always doing SOMETHING that prevents me from spending more time with my folks. I am STILL a survivor..MORE so than EVER. I am leaving my NON EXISTENCE as some strangers "wife". The man is a great father, he saved me when I needed it 10 years ago...He kept me from falling when I was at my weakest point in life. But that ended a year after I met him. I knew it, and he knew it. We are blessed to have beautiful children together, and blessed that we are parents that can co-parent together. BUT..no love exists, it hasn't for years.We have been miserable for years trying to make it "work". In life we are always trying to make it work. It takes a much stronger person to realize when something is NEVER going to work. Counseling, time, patience..those have all been tried and exhausted. Its time for me to be happy, a mom,a friend, an artist a daughter and continue to be a survivor. I'm leaving a life that I couldn't leave behind.